I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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