Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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