So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize