my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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