we have officially lost it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
