we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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