just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
