I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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