my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
