just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
