You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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