; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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