Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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