1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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