What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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