In the future we'll all be gay
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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