If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im six kinds of drunk right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
