Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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