he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
