I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
