i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
