Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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