I hate all girls vehemently.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize