i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
