How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
