I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
