OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
