I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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