I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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