I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
