High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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