life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
