even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
