I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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