if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize