My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
