OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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