Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
