I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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