Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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