Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
