would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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