i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
