so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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