Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
