I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
