Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
