Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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