ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
