capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
