you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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