My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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