i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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