i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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