I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
