There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
