You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
