Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
