im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
