I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
