Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
