the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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