One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Two words: blizzard sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
