i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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