So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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