Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
